Detective Saviour’s Files

It’s Sunday, 8th of June 2008… 0934 hours…

The title ‘Reflection’ reminded me of the Sabbath day that I used to had in Camp Cameron ‘08. Many things back home needed my attention and to be honest, I just wish that I don’t have to face it. It’s not easy after going through such happiness for three weeks and then you have to return back to reality.

For what I’m feeling now is just wanting to go back to campus and start my new semester for this academic year. Just one week and the problems at home seem to get the better of me. I do feel ashamed when I think of this for before I left camp. I was really inspired to bring a different but day by day, the problems just seem to weary me down.

Since I left camp, I still practise quiet time by myself. I do find God speaking to me through His words but I just don’t know how to apply it. What concerns me more is will I be able to still practise quiet time when I start my new semester? I’ll be busy with my clinic practises and I’m just scare that I’ll be too exhausted to continue it on.

I haven’t finish my assignment yet. I have the information that I need but I haven’t actually read it through and sort it out in the correct order which I need. That would probably take me about 2 -3 hours or so I guess. This whole week, the only thing that I did the most was lying on bed the whole day.

I just don’t get it? Why do i feel so lazy all of a sudden? I don’t behave like this before. Maybe my body need to really recharge itself but I find it ridiculous for I remembered studying late at night during my exams and waking up early yet still feel energetic.

Speaking about exams. My result was out and I really thank God for it. I scored a 3.28 for my previous semester and my average grade for my first year is 3.02. That was something that really made me feel good this week. I remember performing badly for my first semester and was called to my lecturer’s office.

The only thing to avoid myself from entering there again is to make it up in my second semester and thank God I did it. Those nights of staying up late and revising every spare time that I had, I give thanks to God for sustaining me throughout those time.

To be honest, I feel I didn’t speak that much this week. That’s another thing that bothers me. I’m not doing what I’m suppose to be doing. In the Cantonese term, there’s a word called ‘cin ka’ and that’s what I feel about myself now. Breaking a promise because of fear.

My Lord, why am I feeling like this? I don’t understand myself now? There is two part living in me and each half is telling me two different things to do. One is telling me to start make some differences and the other is telling me to hold on and just wait first. I read through Your words and I can’t seem to apply it in my life. Have I lost my faith? No, I don’t think so. Why do I feel so weak inside? My mind and heart has become the enemy of my soul. The two is telling me to do things the other way round. Father please help me. I seek for Your wisdom and comfort in dealing with this matter. I alone cannot do it without Your grace. Please sustain me Father.

After letting it out, I feel a bit better now. Well, tomorrow I’ll be going back to the kindergarten to finish up my report. I do miss those kids and I’ll just see what has happen to them since I was gone for three weeks.

"A man of understanding is of a calm spirit" ~ Proverbs 17:27

It’s Sunday, 1st of June 2008… 2156 hours…

The end. Camp Cameron 2008 closed its curtain on Friday with goodbyes, hugging, and cryings. Three weeks of camp and I can say that I had learnt a lot from the experiences I had with God and also with my family members.

I was staying with another 20 other people which we were called as a family and through the good and bad times, we pull ourselves along the journey. The laughing and crying moments in this camp is something I will not forget for the rest of my life.

I really experience God personally in this camp and seen how He struggle with me with my personal problems that had been haunting me all these while. To actually look back with all these problems was not an easy thing for me but I thank Him that He wanted me to help myself and also provided friends to be there for me.

Living together for 3 weeks could sound fun but there was always some problems here and there, especially regarding the bathroom and toilet since there is only one in each chalet. The girls were sleeping in the chalet and the guys will sleep in another place but all of our family meetings will be done in our own chalet.

Organize by the FES, I have to say that I really admire the effort and hard work that they had putted for this camp. It was indeed a success and I believe that they had seen a lot of the student’s life change after this camp and one of them is me. I finally know what is my mission that God had placed me in my family and also in my campus.

As one big family, I have a Grandpa, three Grandmas, an Uncle, an Aunty, a Papa, a Mama, three brothers, and nine sisters. So plus me and all together you have twenty-one in my family. My family is known as the Family of Chalet Ten or we also called ourselves as the LAME Family, because of our lame jokes. Haha…

I had taken some pictures of the memorial events I had there and I placed it soon in my friendster and also in my Facebook account. To be honest, there is just so much to say about the camp and I don’t think that I can write all here. Ask me personally if you want to know more and I’ll be happy to tell you.

On Friday when it was time for us to leave. I really feel like not leaving the camp site. The bond that I had with my family members was very intimate for me and I did my very best to hold back my tears as we all say our goodbyes and started to hug each other. But we promise to keep in touch.

Even now, I really miss all of them. Though we were always noisy but all of them had taught me what a true family is. On the last day, I read out my poem to them. It was a poem about my family and I will end my blog with it.

*

The Family of Chalet Ten (2008)

*

This is a story of our lovely family

The twenty-one of us may be crazy

But only six of their hair are curly

And there’s another two whom their hair are wavy

*

We have a Grandpa and three Grandmas

A caring Papa and a loving Mama

A uncle and a aunty who loves us so much

And thirteen cute cheeky children who cause them trouble

*

Grandpa Joshua is known as the irresistible grandpa

And that is why we have three grandmas

Grandma Swee Kit gave us all the good genes

But we wonder why we are naughty in our teens

*

In the second week, Grandma Grace was welcomed in the family

And thanks to her, our food is prepared with love and care

In the final week, Grandma Adrene was added to the family

She’s a cheerful person yet firm at her stand

*

Uncle Lucas flew all the way from Indonesia

Just to take care of us here in Malaysia

Aunty Mun Yee took care of us full with love

And that’s why by her action we are so moved

*

Papa Timothy is a man who loves sport

If you want to challenge him then meet him in the court

Mama Hooi Keng will make sure there’s breakfast before she sleep

And then join the girls to brush their teeth

*

Sun Sun is the eldest and she loves to smile

But we admire her for she sometimes will do the extra mile

Then come Melissa who is the quiet and gentle

With her gentleness, our family can win any battle

*

Big brother Boon Chuan comes next in line

Ask him anything and all you get is a smile

Joanne is the fourth who loves the colour red

Treat her some chocolate and you won’t regret

*

From the east comes Angela who may be small

But don’t underestimate her for her spirit is high

Shih Han is next who seldom give anyone any worry

But don’t you dare argue with her or you might be sorry

*

Early in the morning, Dawn will be in the kitchen

And breakfast will be served before the crow of the chicken

Yen Hong is one of the active girl we ever know

She might be a great athlete for all we know

*

From Cameroon, we have Francis by our side

He cooks well and you’ll definitely want a bite

Nago was born with a natural talent in singing’

And that’s why the birds are always chirping

*

Next in line is Gabriel who loves to eat

He is still skinny but still good in beads

Suleen has a cute pillow by her side

And she always cheer everyone with her smile

*

Shoo Chen is the youngest in the family

Though she might be cheeky but she’s still lovely

So that’s the complexity of our family

We may be big but it’s all by God’s grace

*

There are times we may argue with each other

But our Grandpa and Grandmas will remind us to be together

So that is how we grew up as a lovely family

Through good times and bad times, we shared our life

*

We may not know what will the future hold

But we’ll trust in the Lord and love one another as it was been told

We will part our ways one day but our caring will never end

So that’s the story of the Family of Chalet Ten

                                                           (26/5/2008; 5: 39 pm)

It’s Saturday, 10th of May 2008… 219 hours…

I’ll be on my way tomorrow morning for a three long weeks camp in Cameron Highland, organize by FES (Fellowship of Evangelical Students) . Cost me RM 300 but I believe it will worth every single cent.

Tomorrow I’ll be heading down to Ipoh first to meet with the rest of my friends who are also following me to this camp. I’ll stay a night in my friend’s house and leave the next day by bus to Cameron Highland.

Three long weeks. Sounds long but as time pass by, three weeks will be like three days. I had to sacrifice my personal practical work in the kindergarten for two weeks. But what makes me a bit reluctant from attending this camp is the children.

You know what’s the biggest problem when you get too attach to children? Is hard for you to separate yourself from them. I really find myself like their elder brother. Each one of them have their own story to tell.

Some of them are from rich families where whatever they want is granted to them while others are from broken up families which some of their stories really makes me feel sorry for them.

Some even have both of their parents in prison. Some are staying with single parent but lack of love. There was this one case where this parent was angry with her child that she took a bottle and threw at her child. Luckily the child was not blind but was seriously bruised.

In the world we’re living now, why do this still happen? I know this girl who seldom speaks to anyone even during lesson time. I had try all ways to start a conversation with her but I only manage to start a yes or no response which she only nods her head.

Sometimes, I just wonder how can I help her? There’re some who get along well with me but I’m more concern on those who doesn’t speak or isolate themselves. I’m really worry for these children but I know that the much I can do for them is to let them know that there is someone there who is concern for them when their are in school.

Whatever happens in their home. I just can’t help it. All I can do is pray for them. But I know that I can never do enough for there is so much to be done. So I must react wisely in the situation or else I’ll fail to be a reliable clinician.

I’ll only see them again in the second week of June. Until them, I just pray that things won’t go from bad to worse. Is really sad thing to know that these children are the victims of their parents’ attitude and fault.

Since the past two days, I fall sick with fever, sort throat, and flu. Three at one go. I felt like half dead when it happens. All I wanted to do was sleep and thank God that night I manage to sweat as much I could and the fever subside the next day but my cough and flu is still on. Hope that it will soon be cure.

"Give me life in Thy ways" is the theme for this year camp. By the theme, I believe something awaits me in this camp. I’m not sure of it yet but I’ll soon find out. So, I’ll post again after three weeks from now.

Since tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day Mum… Love you so much…

It’s Sunday, 4th of May 2008… 2938 hours…

It had been one week since I started my so-called project on gaining and exposing myself to children’s language development. And where else will I find it more suitable other than my mum’s working place. So, I’m back there in the kindergarten again, helping around.

It was quite fun to be back there. I didn’t really expect for some of the students there to remember me but it really lifted my heart when I see them smiling and waving at me. Some even came to me and wanted to sit on my lap.

To see their smiles, really soothes a bit my troubled heart and mind for as I look at them; smiling, running, and playing. They’re really enjoying themselves. I’ll be going to the kindergarten until the end of June.

But it seems that since last week, whenever I enter another different class. There will be someone crying. You know how children can be sometimes. Rough and naughty. It’s amazing of the things that these children know things where I don’t even know when I was at their age.

While helping out in the classroom, I’ll also did my own clinical observation on the children to brush up my clinical skills. But at times, I tend to forget why am I there when I’m having too much fun with them.

At times when I need to be strict and raise my voice to control the class. These children are not afraid of me at all. But it was different when my mum or the other teachers try to control them. I sometimes wonder where did I went wrong there?

So far, I only did my observation on 4 and 5 years old children. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be doing on the 6 years old and then I’ll start the whole process again but I’ll be focusing on specific children to have myself a comparison with the theories I had learn in my course.

Camp Cameron is this coming Monday and I’m quite excited about it. I really wonder what God want to do with me for these three weeks? I bet it will great and I know I’ll sure have a good time there with the Bible studies and fellowships with other Christians.

Yesterday I was out with some of my friends and some of us really change in our appearance but those crazy character that we once had in our Form Six days still was preserved until now. Though we seldom meet up but whenever we do, it really reminds a lot of the things that we all use to do in school. I really miss those time.

My beads are almost complete. I have already finish up my key-chain with its handle as a love shape and another as a circle shape. I’m planning to make a bone after this. And then maybe I’ll concentrate on one type and start slowly doing it as this year’s Christmas present.

I have already finish reading up the book on becoming a Healthy Youth Minister. I really learn a lot from it but I think that I’ll go through it again to have a better and clearer understanding and clarification on some areas.

I was thinking to myself the other day about what my minister is suppose to focus on in the campus. There are five minister in my CF which are the Praise & Worship, Prayer, Cell Groups, Fellowship, and  Outreach.

Going through what I had read and with reference to the CF purpose statement. The five key points in the CF purpose statement are Touch, Bonding, Growing, Serve, and Glorify. The five external purposes that you can find from the Great Commandment and the Great Commission are Worship, Ministry, Evangelism, Fellowship, and Discipleship.

Through this five external purposes is how the purpose statement is formed. Glorify came from Worship, Serve came from Ministry, Touch came from Evangelism, Bonding came from Fellowship, and Grow came from Discipleship.

Having reconsider this, I started to think about the ministries which was form in the CF. I believe that it was there to help accomplish these five purposes. So, I took a walk on one evening and started thinking how it was related.

After much praying to God and a bit of thinking. I figure which purposes in the CF purpose statement fits in the CF ministries. Touch is for Outreach, Bonding is for Fellowship, Growing is for Cell Groups, Serve is for Prayer, and Glorify is for Praise & Worship. I also did some reference with the book I was reading.

Now I come to another part of the question, if my ministry is under SERVE which comes under as ”Ministry” in one of the five external purposes which means, ”Love your neighbour as yourself”. I’m still wondering what am I to do in the next coming academic year.

But I believe God will sure tell me what He wants me to do in the coming academic year for Him. Probably He’ll tell through this camp I’ll be attending. It’s hard to say. He knows when the time is right. I’ll just keep on praying and search for the answer and by His will, He’ll let me know the answer.

It’s Sunday, 27th April 2008… 2109 hours…

It has been two days since I came back to Taiping and like I was afraid of, nothing really change back home. Things are still the same. Words of abusing and actions that hurts still remains until now. Sometimes I really wonder how I can really help?

Divorce will be the easiest solution but it just too complicated to be explained. Sometimes I do wonder to myself. How can God still use me and still tell me that He has great plans that He need me to accomplish for Him. Someone who doesn’t really comes from a good family background.

It’s so strange. It was because of His great love for me and that He saved me and guided me in my life until today which really makes me to put my trust in Him.

I’m halfway through the book which my senior gave me about being a healthy youth minister and it’s really an eye-opener you know. I didn’t know that there is so many things that really needs to be reconsider before you can even carry out a programme.

You need to have an identification for the types of students in your campus before you can start reaching out to them. Not all of them react the same way. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t doing really well in my first year and was sometimes feeling a bit frustrated.

The most important thing to be remembered is the ‘why’ are we here before answering the ‘how’ to accomplish it. Once the ‘why’ is answered, doing the ‘how’ will be on the right track and it will always lead to the ‘why’.

Evangelism, Ministry, Worship, Discipleship, and Fellowship. A healthy balance between these five element will help in accomplishing to the ‘why’ we exist.

I still remembered during my previous CF committee meeting, when we ended the meeting. We were left to think about a question. "How God want to use you in the next academic year?”

I was kind of thinking about the question myself these few days but I’m still uncertain how will I serve in my coming academic year. I do have some ideas but I really need something that will help me have a vision for what can I do for my brothers and sisters and also for God.

I’m still thinking how can the prayer meet every Saturday evening help my brothers and sisters to build them in there faith but I also need to know that to cover all the five elements is not possible for a balance is important to be healthy.

I need to focused on one clear vision. I consider myself as a core but still learning young christian. I have some plans of having bible studies and fellowships. Reaching out to non-christian. Reaching to my brothers and sisters who isolated themselves.

I really want to make a different in this campus. We have this some sort of 1st year ministry which was started by a friend who she says that she was called by God to do it. But it seems to upset some of our seniors for we kind of focused to much on the first year.

I think that all will change when we come back for our next academic year. It’s not another Christian society or a branch from the current CF but its more like a few Christian who are determined to reach out to others and strengthen our fellowships.

For I believe that we still stick to our CF purpose statement which tells the "why" the CF exist in this campus and I feel that we should help in accomplishing that vision and goal.

Christian Fellowship USMKK is here to TOUCH the life of students with God’s love, BONDING and GROWING together as a family in order to SERVE and GLORIFY God.

It’s Thursday, 24th of April 2008… 2216 hours…

The power of God’s love. It’s truly amazing and breath-taking. Yesterday afternoon, I was letting out my frustration here and asking and seeking for God’s help. Miraclely, He did answer me only He didn’t answer me face-to-face but through someone else.

After I had finish with my blog posting yesterday, I conducted a Bible study with my friends which I had initially planned earlier. It’s about faith and to be honest, I wasn’t feeling all passion about it and I wasn’t really quite in the mood at all.

Reluctantly, I carried on and through halfway the Bible study. I felt a bit better when it came to the Q & A part. I did partake in it and sort of share out a bit of my frustration. But at the same time, I also told them how I was going to overcome my problem.

The funny thing here is that before that, I only knew of grumbling about it but not thinking about how to solve it. But as I when through the Bible study, there were some words which I had previously read, realize me about the important of having a strong faith.

After we finish our Bible study together. I did a small but quite emotional (which I was almost crying) prayer for all of my sister-in-Christ. As I prayed, I felt my heart being touch by the Holy Spirit and that time I really couldn’t continue on praying.

I felt so weak at that time but also a sense of renewal was overwhelming inside of me. In the end, I manage to finish up the prayer but ended up sobbing. To be honest, though I felt a bit relieve but my heart was still in pain.

When I went back to my room. I saw a book on my table which had the title "Healthy Youth Ministries Have Spiritually Healthy Leaders". I asked my roommate who put it here and he told me that a Chinese guy did.

One person came to my mind who could put it there, and I guess it was David, my previous CF president. At first, I just glance at it and didn’t understand why did he put it there for me? I mean, why do I need that for? I don’t think that I want to read that kind of book now since my mind is not organize well now.

As these question keep running through my mind. My body seem to have another mind of its own. Before I knew it, I was standing right in front of his room. So I knocked and as usual in his cheerful greeting He greeted me in and I asked him about the book and then he began to explain.

He say that it was really a good book especially for youths who are full with passion for God’s works. I at that moment I felt that I think I had enough passion to tell what to do for God. He told me that He really learn a lot from this book and He just had an extra copy so He just thought of passing it on to me.

You see, at that time, I though I knew I had enough passion and knew what I was doing for God. I know the works I was doing and the good things I’m showing to others.

But that all change my mind when I started reading the book. In the first chapter, it starts off by portraiting two different individuals. The first one was full with passion for God and was always planning interesting programmes and activities. The other was an experienced youth worker and knew what can hype really bring in the end.

When I had finish chapter one of the book. I started to reflect back on myself. Was I like that too. Was I too arrogant to see myself that the more I try to please everyone. The further was I from God. That’s why He’s letting me suffering now. He wants me to come back to Him. Oh, how could I had sinned against Him.

I was spending all my time doing the work of God without being a person of God. To make me realize that, God simply remind me that, " I can never do enough, He wants me to know an important truth that will save me a lot of pain, heartache, and time if I can understand that, I can never do enough. For there is always more to be done.

I started off well when I was starting my second semester but I lost my sense direction towards the end of the semester. The fact was, I wasn’t really concentrating well. I thought I was doing all right and I didn’t really consulted Him and I though I knew what I was doing.

When I was reading through the other chapters in that book. It seems so clear to me what I needed to do. I need to reestablish that connection with My Heavenly Father again. I had allowed myself to be overwhelm with the earthly materials that without realizing I had put Him aside.

So now, I have two great mission which I must accomplish in this period of holidays. First is to seek Him like I never did before. I want to place Him first in my heart again. I want to feel His love for me again. That feeling of belonging to someone who loves you.

And the second mission is to practice and equip myself with all the necessary information I need for my course. It will be a tough semester ahead so I plan to prepare myself well before I head back for my second year.

These two great mission. I commit it into my Father’s hand. May His wisdom and guidance lead me through this plan of mine. I don’t really want to think of anything else other than to build back my relationship with Him.

Besides, I had also promise my brothers and sisters-in-Christ that I will improve and be a better brother for them. Through Christ, I can do all things for He gives me the power and wisdom which is beyond my own capability.

My journey begins now. It won’t be easy but I’m not giving up now and never will I for He did not give up on me so why must I give up on Him.

*

And now these three remains: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.  1 Corinthians 13:13

It’s Wednesday, 23rd of April 2008… 1335hours…

Today is the last paper for my first year in USM. It’s strange how time pass so fast and how things eventually turn out to be. Right now, I’m sitting in a place in my hostel. No lights on except from my laptop. Trying to shake off this hatred and guilt which is in me again.

Coming to an end of a year of studies here. There times where I enjoy the most but those dreams will only remain as some of my shattered dreams which now turns to be one of my miserable things to remember.

I hate this feeling. It’s coming back to me again. I try to seek the company of my friends but it seems like their all busy with their own things and activities. I really wish for just this one time. Before I go back, to be with my friends, enjoying myself this day so that at least when I go back tomorrow. I’ll have something sweet in my mind to think of.

My medic and dental friends are all busy preparing for their exam which just start today. My other friends are all busy with their own programmes and stuff. I initially though of organizing a hang-time tonight but it seems that everyone has their plans.

I wonder how I’ll be spending the time today. My Lord, please help me fight against this hatred and lonely feeling which I’m having. I hate it so much. I don’t really know who to tell this for it’s too shameful for me to even think about it.

I may be strong but I’m so weak inside. My dreams,  are all shattered this year.

That’s why I say renew hopes but, it won’t be easy for it takes time to recover from this shattered dreams. Dreams where you thought you can achieve. Hopes… Faith… Love… I still have it but I’m going to war again with my evil self again. That dark side is burning so strong in me again.

I hate it so much. My Lord, please help me. I really want to be a better servant for you My lord. Please teach me how can I be one? I really want to seek you first. I want to put you first in my life. Please My Lord, help me…

*

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

                           - Proverbs 3: 5-6 -

It’s Friday, 11th of April 2008… 2250 hours…

I was actually sleeping just now, thought of having a one or two hours of sleep and then waking up and continue on my studies. But before I climb on my bed, I had this urge to take the Bible with me and hug it as I doze off.

I didn’t find anything peculiar with that for I had done it like a dozen times before. Only this time it was different. As I was lying on my bed with my Bible held close to me, I though of the things that had happen to me today.

As I kept on recalling back, I felt more sleepier and just slept. But what happens after that was just exactly what happen to me before. That feeling. That sense of His voice. That feeling of His presence. It was the same situation that I felt before.

I felt His presence so true before me. Though it was just a few minutes but He wanted me to do something. He wanted me to say something and it must be done before I leave back to my hometown.

Even now, I’m so emotionally touch.  For a moment ago before I went to sleep. I prayed to Him and was asking Him to send His grace and blessings to a few sisters of mine who are going through some difficulties in their studies and personal problems.

And now He gave me this burning desire to say some things but the time is not right yet. Though I can’t hold onto this burning passion in me to let it be known to others but He calmed me down and wants me wait in His time.

My God, I just feel so happy now that tears are rolling down my cheeks. To feel Your presence is such a blessing and to carry out Your works is a privilege. My God, I pray that Your presence will be true in the faith of my brothers and sisters as they seek for you.

Hear their cries, My God. Let your grace and love flow in them as they draw closer to You. Teach them to have a discerning heart as they follow Your ways. Teach them to do their best for You in all that they do and say.

Teach them to strengthen their faith in You, for this I pray to you. Let your healing hands be upon them who needs healing whether it’s physically, emotionally or spiritually. May the works of the Holy Spirit prompt us with Your will.

Now, I will seek Your words in what you want me to say before I leave back home.

And I shall end my post with Psalm 23…

*

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen…

It’s Friday, 28th of March 2008… 0129 hours…

It’s been around like a month plus since I last updated my blog. It’s strange to think that in a months time, so much things can happen and really make a lot of different in your live and the way you view it.

I have finish all of my sub-exams and as well for my assignments. Now I’m having my study break before the final exam which is schedule on the 6th of April with the first paper which is  Structure and Function of Human. One of the scariest subject to take.

Anyway, I did see some improvements in my studies after going through some study groups with my friends. Though I still prefer to study on my own but once your in a study group, you will automatically force yourself to be extra prepare and do a lot of further readings.

So, is a win-win situation for everyone. Studies was really a challenge for me this semester as I was required to enter the Speech-Language Clinic for a few observation session with some of the patients. It was quite a new experience for me.

Sounds like a lot of nice stuff is happening with me this semester right. But sad to say, there is this one incident that I admit that its my fault which made it all to happen. I have this friend who had some problems and I was really somehow impatience to help her. I kinda like scold her.

It turns out in the end that I kinda scare her. She don’t hate  me as I thought she would. After I ask one of her closest friend if she’s still mad at me? She said that she doesn’t blame me for the things that happen to her but she just need some time to recover from that incident and also need some time to have the courage to face me again because, according to her, whenever she see me, she will remember that awful experience.

That will be one of my mistake which I made in this semester. I just pray that whatever barriers is build around her will be broken away and bring back that joyful soul which I once knew. It’s not easy to face life struggle especially when you are living all alone in an alien place.

Well, that’s not stopping me from caring for her as how I did since the beginning of this semester. I’ll still continue on this spiritual gift that God had call me to work on and continue to shower God’s love to all of my brothers and sisters in this university.

It became more clear what He wanted me to do when I was elected to be in the Christian Fellowship Committee to hold the post as the Prayer Chairman. So, I’ll be the one responsible to conduct the prayer meeting on every Saturday evening where we’ll all gather together and bring our prayers and petition and  pray together as a family in Christ.

To care, love, and help your brothers and sisters whether they’re a Christian or not is not a easy thing to do as I thought it was when I got back here in this semester. But, I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with friends who had encourage and guided me along the way until today.

I don’t defy the fact that it take up a lot of my time in doing His work but one thing that I know is that, the more I give to do His works, He gave me the time to do my works. And in my studies, I have that peace that He’ll take care of me in my studies.

I’m sort like taking up a brother role among my first year friends especially in the Health Science School. There are eight of us and I didn’t really care that much for them in my first semester but that’s all change now. I’ll look after my sisters and as well my other brothers and sisters in this campus.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and  self control. Against such there is no law".. Galatians 5: 22-23

It’s Saturday, 9th of February 2008… 0001 hours…

I’m back. I mean back to Kelantan. It feels like I didn’t really do much in this break other than finishing up my assignments and doing a bit of revision for the coming exam this week. I didn’t quite hang out with my friends at all. To make thing worse, I didn’t hang out with my cousins at all.

Anyway, I’m glad that this sacrifice that I made really paid off because I’m almost 80% complete in all of my work. However despite this workout week, I brought back with me some Chinese cookies. Hehe…

At least, I still have the Chinese New Year mood. If I have enough to spare, I may treat some of my friends here with my family’s specially made ‘loyang’. But before that, its mine. All mine you hear me. Haha…

Most of my friends will be back by tomorrow night. Until then, I have the whole time for myself but that doesn’t mean I can just forget my work. Time is precious and I need it badly. I’m quite a work psycho now but I’m still as crazy as I use to be ok…

Time to go now. Hopefully there’s prayer meeting tomorrow. At least I can meet some of friends. I feel kinda lonely. Hehe… I’m sick with my books.