Is Friday, 10th of February 2006… 1609 hours…
Some week… Nothing seems to be going fine for me… Just found out that the biggest fool in school is actually me… And I didn’t realise it at all… What an idiot I must had been this week… Why on earth didn’t I thought of that before?… Why must I be such an idiot?… Why couldn’t I ever correct my mistake?… Why?… A simple question but a complicated answer…
The start of this week until today… It was like hell for me… I can feel a flame burning right inside me which I want to put it out… But… For this whole week… I just keep adding gasoline instead of water… A complete failure… That’s what I am… A failure in everything… Nothing that I hope or plan had ever come true for me… But it will always end up with disaster or something worst…
I fail in my work… I fail in my studies… And worst of all… I fail in my life… Is not like those other week where I still can pull myself together… It’s different this time… I don’t know if I can ever get up… I’m just like a football player who has lost a match but the different here is that the player is eager to begin a new game but I’m thinking of quitting…
I don’t even know how to face with everyone in school… I feel like an idiot now… I don’t even have the guts to look myself in the mirror today… For I will see a person looking back at me and that person will ask me this simple question… Why did you start it at the first place?… What did you trouble trouble when trouble didn’t trouble you?… I’m beginning to lose myself… And I fear that I had already lost it a long time ago…
Will I ever free myself from this cage of disappointment?… Will I ever see the beauty of the light from this dark place that I’m stuck at?… Will I ever get my work working well for me?… Will I… Will I for once stop acting like an idiot and start thinking straight forward?… Eight more months for me to end my schooling days and here am I causing problem for myself… I wish to go to a place where no one knows me at all… Somewhere far away from here…
My exam is end of this month and I’m putting myself in hot water now… That’s just so wonderful… I wonder how on earth am I suppose to face with everyone in school?… I don’t even have the guts now to look at any of my friends… If they still take me as one… I think I have just lost quite a number of friends and I guess the figure is increasing as I’m sitting down here…
You know something… Every single morning… I will stand at the corridor at the front of the school and will just look at the students coming to school… Thinking on how nice it will be if I was like those students coming to school… No such problem like I’m having… Just coming to have fun with friends and finding no problems at all… No big responsibilities for me to carry on my shoulder… No big problems that I would have to worry at all… Just smiling and having myself a great time in school… Sad… Dreams are always further than reality…
This month… Is Valentine… The Form Six Club and the Interacters are on their sales as usual… Candy, sweets and dedication… Just bought five cards of something from the Form Six Club… I didn’t pay too much attention on it… I bought it for the sake of charity… I don’t even quite remember who I gave it too… SCF meeting today… It was suppose to be a wonderful meeting but I think I spoilt the fun for everyone… The Welfare Club also had their meeting today but I didn’t attend… It clash with the SCF meeting…
My Chemistry practical… Down to the drain I guess… I don’t even want to bother what had happen to it… As a matter of fact… I don’t wish to think of anything at all… It just hurt me as I keep thinking about it all…
Hm… Here’s a song sang by Jose Mari Chan and Regine Velasquez…
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PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH MY HEART
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If you love me like you tell me
Please be careful with my heart
You can take it just don’t break it
Or my world will fall apart
*
You are my first romance
And I’m willing to take a chance
That till life is through
I’ll still be loving you
*
I will be true to you
Just a promise from you will do
From the very start
Please be careful with my heart
*
I love you and you know I do
There’ll be no one else for me
Promise I’ll be always true
For the world and all to see
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Love has heard some lies softly spoken
And I have had my heart badly broken
I’ve been burned and I’ve been hurt before
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So I know just how you feel
Trust my love is real for you
I’ll be gentle with your heart
I’ll caress it like the morning dew
*
I’ll be right beside you forever
I won’t let our world fall apart
From the very start I’ll be careful with you heart
