Shattered Dreams, Renew Hopes?
It’s Wednesday, 23rd of April 2008… 1335hours…
Today is the last paper for my first year in USM. It’s strange how time pass so fast and how things eventually turn out to be. Right now, I’m sitting in a place in my hostel. No lights on except from my laptop. Trying to shake off this hatred and guilt which is in me again.
Coming to an end of a year of studies here. There times where I enjoy the most but those dreams will only remain as some of my shattered dreams which now turns to be one of my miserable things to remember.
I hate this feeling. It’s coming back to me again. I try to seek the company of my friends but it seems like their all busy with their own things and activities. I really wish for just this one time. Before I go back, to be with my friends, enjoying myself this day so that at least when I go back tomorrow. I’ll have something sweet in my mind to think of.
My medic and dental friends are all busy preparing for their exam which just start today. My other friends are all busy with their own programmes and stuff. I initially though of organizing a hang-time tonight but it seems that everyone has their plans.
I wonder how I’ll be spending the time today. My Lord, please help me fight against this hatred and lonely feeling which I’m having. I hate it so much. I don’t really know who to tell this for it’s too shameful for me to even think about it.
I may be strong but I’m so weak inside. My dreams, are all shattered this year.
That’s why I say renew hopes but, it won’t be easy for it takes time to recover from this shattered dreams. Dreams where you thought you can achieve. Hopes… Faith… Love… I still have it but I’m going to war again with my evil self again. That dark side is burning so strong in me again.
I hate it so much. My Lord, please help me. I really want to be a better servant for you My lord. Please teach me how can I be one? I really want to seek you first. I want to put you first in my life. Please My Lord, help me…
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Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3: 5-6 -
